


could feel like kryptonite

by faerie_ground



Series: a kingsman/bodyguard crossover [4]
Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018), Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Married Life, set a few months after lover boy rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 07:15:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18868354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faerie_ground/pseuds/faerie_ground
Summary: five forehead kisses





	could feel like kryptonite

**Author's Note:**

> set five months after lover boy rules, not required to read for this
> 
> title taken from I'm Gonna (Love Me Again) by Elton John and Taron Egerton

**one.**

It usually rains cats and dogs in London but for some reason, the rain is heavier than usual today. The droplets splatter against the windows in a constant buzzing rhythm, the sound meshing together in a melody not altogether pleasant to the ears. It’s half past five and yet the light has to be kept on because that’s how dark the sky has gotten- thunder rolls like a loud crack, abrupt and deafening, causing Daisy to jump in her seat.

“Just a thunderstorm, flower,” Eggsy says. They’re seated at the dinner table, Eggsy going over her homework while David sits opposite them, hunched over his laptop as he attempts to finish a post mission report. Eggsy is half convinced he gave up ten minutes ago- he’s got his earbuds in and he hasn’t really typed anything in a while, eyes focused on the screen. His eyebrows are scrunched up in a glare that’s too adorable for his own good- and for Eggsy’s.

“I don’t like thunderstorms,” Daisy says, mouth downturned. She sets her pencil down, still frowning. Lightning flashes again, causing her to jump in her seat.

“Neither do I, but you can’t tell your teacher that you didn’t finish your homework because of the thunderstorm,” Eggsy points out patiently. Thunder crackles again, quick and sharp and causing his own shoulders to jump. David looks up from his laptop, eyes concerned, and he waves a hand to stave off the inevitable concern.

“It scared you too!” Daisy says triumphantly.

“No it didn’t,” Eggsy lies, tapping her homework pointedly. “Come on, Daisy, finish your homework. You don’t want to fail it, do you?”

“I hate math,” Daisy says empathically, emphasising the hate so much that her fringe shifts a little with the force of it. Eggsy brushes the strands out of her eyes, trying not to chuckle at the drama of it all.

“Math isn’t all that bad,” David says, taking one earbud out of his ear and grinning at Daisy. “It can be pretty fun, if you remember to be careful when you add, subtract or-”

“It’s stupid,” Daisy says, stabbing the page with her pencil. The nib breaks off and she growls, kicking the table leg.

“Daisy, stop that,” Eggsy says firmly. “Come on now, just finish it quickly. What are you in a strop for, I don’t-”

This time the thunder rolls with absolutely no warning whatsoever, causing both Eggsy and Daisy to startle, Eggsy nearly knocking over his cup of tea onto Daisy’s homework. This time the thunder is so loud it lifts the hairs on the back of his neck and partially deafens him, while Daisy shrieks and drops her pencil to the ground. From the living room, Officer Oatmeal barks while Lavender is clearly heard to be hissing. There’s no sound from JB- the dog can unfortunately sleep through an earthquake and hurricane rolled into one.

David presses a few buttons before closing his laptop with finality, taking the earbuds off. “When’s Daisy’s homework due?”

“Two days later,” Eggsy says, rubbing his own arms shakily. He’s not scared of thunderstorms but to be honest, anyone would be terrified of a loud noise. He’s well within his rights to act like a wimp at a bit of thunder. “Why?”

“She can finish it up tomorrow then,” David suggests, gesturing towards their bedroom upstairs. “Come on, I’ll set up a movie and we can watch it. Daisy’s favourite.”

Daisy, who’d been looking pale and jumpy until then, perks up. “My favourite? Can we watch Frozen?”

David, looking a bit pained, says, “Aye, my flower.”

“Pack up your things, set them away properly!” Eggsy yells after Daisy as she whoops, gathering the papers and pencils haphazardly before traipsing off to where her schoolbag is. Once she’s gone he sighs, kneading his forehead before getting up from the chair, going over to David and seating himself squarely on his lap. His favourite place in the whole world, if he’s being honest.

David gathers him close, arms locked tight around his waist. Without an inch of space between them to breathe Eggsy’s nostrils fill with the scent of David’s aftershave- pine and rosemary, his favourite. Eggsy presses a kiss to his forehead, warm and sweet, his heart tripping over itself. “She’ll finish it up tomorrow just fine,” David murmurs, low Scottish burr settling deep in Eggsy’s belly. “Don’t look so worried.”

“I can’t help it,” Eggsy says helplessly. He covers David’s hand with his own, their wedding rings clacking together. They’ve had their initials carved on the side of each ring, along with the day they’d first met. “I just want her to succeed where I didn’t.”

“You were a smart cookie and you turned out just fine,” David says, the corner of his lips tilting up. “She’ll be perfectly alright, especially with us by her side.”

“We turned out fine, didn’t we,” Eggsy says, his own heart swelling. One year after their marriage and they’re closer than ever, the bond between them unbreachable. David hums in agreement, resting his lips against the side of Eggsy’s jaw and they sit there in silence, sweet and mellow until Daisy yells from upstairs, “Oh, hurry up- Elsa’s waiting!”

*

**two.**

The annual Kingsman Halloween party is a pain for various reasons.

One is that everyone has to turn up in costume for it. It’s apparently a mandated regulation, written in the rule book and everything, and breaking this regulation could also apparently lead to probation, Eggsy has been reliably informed. And it couldn’t be a cheap costume either- Kingsmen loved dressing up in style.

“I don’t feel like actually renting out something,” Eggsy had groaned to Harry. “Can’t I just turn up as a rich businessman and wear one of those gaudy maroon drug lord suits Andrew likes to pretend he doesn’t have at the back of the store?”

“No,” Harry had said flatly. “Make an effort- as my protege, you have to set an example. If not, it’s desk duty for you for five months.”

“Five months is a bit much, innit,” Eggsy had said, laughing uncertainly, but all Harry had done was arch an eyebrow. Eggsy had gotten the hint after that.

The second reason is that the Statesmen are always invited over for the Halloween do. Don’t get him wrong, he loves Champagne, Ginger and Tequila- it’s the rest he can’t stand. Agent Whiskey barely manages the line with his wise arse cracks and caustic humour, Agent Vodka is an uptight, sneery old hag who never knows how to loosen up and have a bit of fun, and Agent Absinthe has just always hated Eggsy in particular, sending sneering targeted remarks his way every time they meet.

David, to no one’s surprise, hates the Kingsman parties because he just hates every single social event with heightened fervour- but he hates the Halloween do with a particular passion due in part to the costumes, and in other part to the statesmen agents. “I can’t stand Absinthe,” he’d told Eggsy flatly, even though the man in particular had always treated David with the utmost respect. “He drives me nuts, the way he looks at you.”

“Yeah, like he wants to dunk my head in the loo,” Eggsy had said unhappily, resting his chin on his folded arms. “I just don’t understand what I did to make him hate me like this.”

At his words, David had- weirdly enough- looked at him in a sort of suspended disbelief, before he’d said exasperatedly, “You’re lucky you’re this cute, because I sure as hell didn’t marry you for your brain.” That remark had caused Eggsy to kick his shin and leave the table in a huff, ignoring David choking from both laughter and pain.

When the day of the Halloween party rolls around, Eggsy lays out their costumes on the bed- he’s decided to go as Luke Skywalker, with David going as Han Solo. Their outfits had been bought online three years ago and has still lasted them all these years- the parties have only been reinstated after Harry had come back as Arthur. Chester King, after all, didn’t exactly project the image of a particularly sociable leader who put stock in his agents having fun.

An hour before he has to leave for the party, his phone buzzes- ominous, he thinks. It’s David, and his heart lifts at the name as it always does. “Hey, babe-”

“I may be slightly late for the party,” David says, voice slightly rushed.

Instantly, his heart drops. “What? David, you promised me-”

“I know, I know, but I got caught in traffic-“

“Traffic,” Eggsy says flatly. It’s a Wednesday night, and it’s not even Halloween eve- Kingsman schedules their parties at least a week after the actual event to ensure that everyone is forced to attend whether they like it or not. Office hours have been long over too- what kind of traffic could there be?

“Yeah, I’m so sorry,” David says, his voice apologetic and slightly sheepish. “I’ll meet you at HQ, I promise.”

“You’re going to make it up to me with five blowjobs,” Eggsy retorts, stomping up the stairs, and belatedly adds, “Love you.”

“I will, I promise,” David says harriedly. “I have to leave now, but- my heart is with you. Always.”

“Oh, shut up,” Eggsy says, his cheeks burning, before cutting the call. He smiles for a bit, thinking about the words David had just through the phone in a manner like a long lost lover come home, before realising he still has to make his way to the office party alone. “Fuck,” he grumbles, glaring at the wall opposite him.

When he arrives, white billowy shirt cinched at the waist and fake lightsaber at his hip, the party is well underway but there is no sign of David. The minute he enters Roxy comes rushing over, Tilde at her side. Unlike he and David, Roxy and Tilde come in new outfits every year- this time round they’ve chosen Prince Eric and the Little Mermaid, with Tilde perhaps fittingly being the prince.

“Do you ever change your outfits?” Roxy says, glaring at him. Her hair has been dyed red, done up in a tight do with her legs wrapped in a beautiful green wraparound, a fishtail added to the end. It’s bedazzled too- Roxy goes all out for Halloween parties, as she’s more than once snottily informed Eggsy. “Where’s David?”

“If I have to come here, I’ll wear whatever the fuck I want,” Eggsy says grumpily. “David’s stuck in traffic, he won’t be here for a while yet. In fact, he’ll probably bunk off entirely.” If he does, though, it’s the couch for him for a month. “Oh god, here comes Vodka- quick, hide me.”

“I can’t hide you- hello, Agent Vodka,” Roxy says cheerfully, inclining her head. Tilde beckons to Eggsy and he discreetly scoots to her side. There’s a glass full of whiskey clutched in her hand which she offers to Eggsy, who declines it- he has a feeling he’ll over indulge later anyway.

“Hello, Lancelot,” Vodka says, her voice severe, nary a hint of a smile on her face. It’s frankly a little ridiculous, how high the stick shoved in her arse is. She’s dressed in her usual uniform, cowboy boots and double denim- clearly, Eggsy thinks sourly, Champagne is much less strict on the rules than Harry is. “I see you’ve all started on the festivities of the night. I should think we would all have better sense than that- this is a formal occasion.”

“I- yes,” Roxy says, smile faltering. “It is a Halloween party, after all- I honestly just came here to get buzzed.”

“Oh, she’s not gonna like that,” Tilde whispers to Eggsy. “Come on, let’s you and I attack the buffet table while she handles that stiff old bitch.” As Tilde pulls Eggsy away Roxy sends them a pleading glance, which Eggsy takes great pleasure in ignoring.

Pretty soon after Tilde gets pulled away by Ginger for something or other and Eggsy is left alone, his stomach feeling weird after he scarfed down six eclairs in quick succession. There’s a weird, black dessert in a big, silver bowl next to it- the jelly like substance floating in a manner altogether too suspicious to be edible. Posh people food, Eggsy thinks not for the first time, is so fucking weird. “Foie gras,” Eggsy reads out loud, wrinkling his nose. “What the fuck is that?”

“A special French dessert,” a voice announces behind him, and Eggsy immediately winces. It’s not a voice he wants to hear, either. “Not that I’d expect you to know.”

“Hello, Agent Absinthe,” Eggsy says, turning around. Absinthe stands behind him, a sneer twisting his usually handsome face into something venomous and ugly. He’s clad in a black suit, tie loosely done with a dark wig covering his blonde hair. Eggsy stares at him, confused. “Who the hell are you supposed to be?”

Absinthe rolls his eyes. “John Wick, keep up,” he snorts. “Who are you supposed to be, a fat ghost?”

Eggsy bristles. No one insults Luke Skywalker like that on his watch. “No, I’m supposed to be Luke Skywalker, only the bravest Jedi-”

“Zip it, I don’t care,” Absinthe says shortly, causing Eggsy’s own mouth to click shut. God, this is why he’d wanted David to come early and with him; alone and forced to face Absinthe’s insults on his own, Eggsy feels smaller than an ant, his usually sharp tongue shrivelled to a crisp and unable to retort back. Absinthe steps closer until their feet almost touch, causing him to step backwards until his tailbone hits the buffet table with a light thud. His eyes travel over Eggsy, sneer becoming more pronounced and eyes darkening with some unnamed emotion. He’s about two heads taller and half a shoulder broader than Eggsy too- with him standing in front of him like this, his whole vision of the room is blocked. “Didn’t you wear this for the last two parties? Kingsman salary not enough?”

Eggsy bristles again, and tries to stop himself from stomping Absinthe’s foot in irritation. It must show on his face, because Absinthe’s lips twitch in a small, smug smile that makes Eggsy grow even more irritated. “No, I just don’t see the point in buying outfits i won’t even wear for the rest of my life ever again,” Eggsy snaps.

Absinthe braces his hand on the buffet table next to Eggsy’s left side, eyebrow raised. It draws him even more closer to Eggsy, who tries and fails to step back- at this much of a close range, Eggsy can smell the overpowering scent of his cologne. It’s frankly, a little nauseating. “Well, Gawain, that is purely due to your frightening lack of-”

“Lack of what?” David says from beside Eggsy. His arm snakes around Eggsy’s waist, drawing him closer as Absinthe takes about five steps back, eyes wide. Eggsy jumps and looks beside him, at David who’s clad in a sleek brown jacket and a white, open necked shirt, tight jeans tucked into boots and perfectly showcasing his frankly magnificent arse. Of course Eggsy’s seen him in this particular outfit before but for some reason, seeing him in it floors him speechless every time. David can just walk into a room in nothing but a pair of shorts and it would steal the breath right out of Eggsy’s lungs, leaving him gasping for air but not too resentful about it.

“I didn’t hear you!” Eggsy says, beaming.

“Some spy you are,” David says, turning his head to press a quick kiss to Eggsy’s forehead. And then he turns around, glaring fiercely at Absinthe. His posture is rigid, the line of his back painfully straight when he’s usually more relaxed, and it causes Eggsy’s stomach to drop with dread. “Lack of what, Agent?”

“Oversight,” Absinthe says, eyes flinty and narrowed. “A pleasure to see you, Tristan.”

“Wish I could say the same, Absinthe,” David damn near growls. There’s a silence that ensues, stretching the boundaries of comfort as they both glare at each other, the air almost crackling with the heat of their glowers. It’s almost like a Texan showdown, Eggsy thinks with a wince, and when neither move or speak for another five seconds he clears his throat loudly.

“Well, this has been fun,” he says, pitching his voice loud enough to attract the attention of some Kingsman staff near by, “but we really have to get going. I’m hungry, and the lasagna is running out.” “As you were, Tristan,” Absinthe says, turning around with a flourish and walking off. Eggsy points the two fingered salute at his back, not bothering to hide it.

“God, I cannot fucking stand him,” Eggsy grouses. He looks at David, who’s still glaring after Absinthe, his jaw clenched so tightly a piece of it is wont to break off. “And _you!_ Why are you this late? I thought we’d agreed to go together!”

“I know, but-” David reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out a short plastic lightsaber. “A limited edition authentic lightsaber, from the set itself, and autographed by Mark Hamill. Cost a pretty penny too, and there was some issue with the online receipt from the store which- anyway, that’s why I’m late. But I’m here now.”

Eggsy takes the lightsaber from David with shaking fingers, gaping at it. He turns it over in his hand, feeling his heart lodge itself firmly in his throat. The lightsaber is worn with use, scratches on its side and Mark Hamill’s signature on the other end. He sways a little, feeling faint with awe.

“Well?” David inquires quietly, eyes shining brighter than anything in the room. Looking into them is akin to jumping headfirst into the ocean with eyes wide open. Eggsy’s willing to drown, if it means he can glimpse into their depths for one last time. “How do you like it then?”

“It- it’s not even my birthday for another month,” Eggsy stammers, feeling as though he won’t be able to let go of the lightsaber for the rest of his life. He’s probably gonna shower with it too. “Why-”

“Saw it being auctioned off and thought of you,” David says, grinning. “Am I forgiven yet?”

“I’m going to pay _you_ in blowjobs instead,” Eggsy says decisively, grinning up at David and throwing his arms around his neck. “God, this is amazing, love. Thank you so much, I- I don’t even know what to say.”

“A first,” David quips, and then his eyes narrow. “I bet that prick Absinthe won’t ever buy you an authentic lightsaber touched by the hands of Mark Hamill himself.”

“I- Absinthe?” Eggsy squints up at David. “He hates me.”

David looks incredulously at him for a second, eyebrows arched high and mouth agape, and Eggsy is about to ask him why he’s doing his best impersonation of a fish when David shakes his head, rolling his eyes. “Never mind, love,” he says, snaking his arm back around Eggsy’s waist again. “Come on, you said something about the lasagna running out?”

*

**three.**

In all honesty, the best sex is post mission sex.

The other times they have sex are all memorable too, but post mission sex in Eggsy’s good honest opinion is the best simply because the adrenaline coupled with the euphoric high makes everything seem twice as sensitive and twice as electrifying, the air itself charged with how turned on they are for each other. Eggsy never walks straight after sex post mission and neither does he want to, no matter how much Roxy and Tilde might rib him about it- because every ache is a reminder that David is absolutely wild and nuts for him.

Today had been a particularly tricky mission of both Eggsy and David pretending they were loyal brothers looking to seize on buying off a weapons deal in an illegal ring- in order to secure the intel, Merlin had explained, those had been the only identities they could get an in with. It’s difficult enough to not spend every waking moment of the day snuggling up to David and kissing every inch of his face and body- it’s even more difficult to look at him and pretend he didn’t absolutely want to devour him and instead, pretend he was blood related to the man instead. Eggsy’s been through torture but privately he’d thought that this had to be the worst.

They’d gotten out with the intel, though, a tiny thumb drive with files on all the buyers and sellers within the ring hidden inside the pocket of the kingpin’s suit that Eggsy had casually nicked while David had sweet talked him up to the best of his ability. It had gone better than they’d expected and now, in the aftermath of such a mission Eggsy and David are in the hotel bed, doing their best to break it in.

“Come on, faster, old man,” Eggsy pants into David’s ear as he digs his heel in deep, one hand on the headboard and another clutched in David’s infuriatingly gorgeous head of hair. In response, David slows his pace, keeping his thrusts shallow and glacial.

“Is this what you wanted, love?” David asks, a tiny smirk on his face. Eggsy tries to keep himself from growling, infuriated, and fails terribly.

“No, you utter fucking dickhead, _move_ -”

“We have all day,” David counters, closing his mouth over the mole on Eggsy’s neck, causing Eggsy to arch his neck and gasp. The air around them is heated and charged, and Eggsy can feel the sweat drip down his back and soak up the sheets- in any other circumstance it would be incredibly disgusting but in this one, it makes the nerves beneath his skin tingle and light up, every brush against the satin feeling like fire. “All night, really. I can keep doing this all night-”

“What did I _do_ ,” Eggsy whines, kicking at David’s back with his heel and trying to grind down. Instead of letting him like any gracious bed partner would, David takes a hold of his thigh and hitches it up higher on his hip, therefore limiting his range of control. It makes Eggsy very stupidly close to tears. “Did I forget to wash the dishes? Feed Lavender?”

“I’m fucking you, and you’re talking about Lavender?” David demands, slowing his pace even further.

“It’s what you deserve, you utter fucking _prick_ ,” Eggsy moans, slapping at David’s irritatingly muscular shoulder. “Come on- are you tired? Is that what this is? Should I Skype Tequila to fuck me instead?” Eggsy and Tequila were the best of friends, obviously, but after a mission of them pretending to be lovers David had taken five months to stop leaving rooms with Tequila in them- subtlety has never been his strongest suit, even less so when Eggsy is involved.

“Don’t you dare,” David actually snarls, and it’s such an attractive sight that Eggsy loses his breath for a second. He lowers his head, sinking his teeth into the meat of Eggsy’s shoulder before beginning to fuck him in earnest, each thrust sending Eggsy’s head thudding into the headboard and causing him to see stars- literally. The heat builds in his stomach like a rapidly rising crescendo, overtaking all his senses until all that is left is David’s name and David’s eyes and David’s face, over and over like a prayer. He’s not even aware of what he’s babbling as David does his best to make him lose his mind completely- probably gibberish, he thinks.

_“Eggsy, Eggsy, Eggsy,”_ David whispers, over and over again, a hitch in his breath as Eggsy laves kisses over his throat-

And then their glasses beep.

“Fuck,” David gasps, stopping and pulling out completely, ignoring Eggsy’s whine to reach over the bed side to hand Eggsy his glasses and put his own on. Eggsy takes them, doing his best not to yell at Merlin and not to cry about being denied a release he’d been this close to experiencing.

“Merlin, what the fuck! I was getting laid!”

“Believe me, I know,” Merlin says derisively. “You didn’t turn off the audio completely, my staff is having a fucking field day. Incoming on- oh for fuck’s sake, David, cover up.”

“What do you think I’m doing?” David says irritably, from where he’s already pulling on his trousers.

“Incoming on the stairwell to the hallway your hotel room is at, ETA three minutes,” Merlin says tensely. “They’re after the thumbdrive, keep it safe and kill them all. Leave no witnesses and only use the amnesia dart if you have to.”

“Roger that, Merlin,” Eggsy says, buttoning up his own trousers. David’s already at the door, shoulders rigid and body tense. The whole effect is disrupted by the fact that he has a huge hickey spanning the side of his throat and his hair practically resembles a bird’s nest, ruffled and incredibly sexy. “How do I look?” he asks.

“Like a million dollars,” Eggsy says, winking.

David rolls his eyes, and inches the door open. Eggsy takes a split second to mourn the fact that he’s probably never going to get off tonight before slipping back into the mental armour of a Kingsman, mind calm and shoulders thrown back. Even a split second of distraction could kill the most experienced agent- and Eggsy is in this not to survive, but to win. As he passes by David, he stops and leaning on tip toe, presses a quick kiss to David’s temple.

“For good luck,” he whispers, as David’s ears go bright pink and Merlin yells at both of them to hurry up.

They reach the end of the hallway before the heavily armoured men suited up in camouflage and rifles appear within sight, stomping up the steps. It’s pretty clear that they are private security- Eggsy and David are able to subdue them quickly, using hand to hand combat to fell each one of them. Eggsy uses the wall as a launching pad to jump at one of them, wrapping his thighs around his neck for a clean snap while David twists in mid air, kicking out with his legs at two of them instantaneously and killing them instantly. It’s a miracle no one comes out of their hotel room to see what the commotion is all about, Eggsy reflects as he punches another man’s midriff and sends him careening David’s way who twists and snaps his neck immediately. Merlin must have done something to ensure that they aren’t disturbed in their mini massacre.

Pretty soon, everyone has been subdued- killed in grotesque fashion, too- and Merlin says, “Well done, you two. Leave them as they are- I disabled CCTV so clean up crew will be there any minute to take care of the bodies. Head back in and- do you still have the thumb drive?”

David pats his trouser pocket. “Inside here, safe  and sound.”

“Good,” Merlin says, relieved. “Make your way back in the morning.”

“Can we order in room service for breakfast tomorrow?” Eggsy asks, perking up. It’s the least he deserves after getting interrupted mid-coitus.

“Of course,” Merlin says. “I’ll cut it out of your pay.”

The line goes dead as Eggsy sighs loudly. “Can’t even get breakfast, what the hell-” he looks up and his throat dries up, his voice trailing off as David picks his way across the dead bodies strewn around the hallway, practically prowling his way across. His eyes are heated, pupils blown wide and hair ruffled in a manner that is impossibly gorgeous and wants to make Eggsy want to mess it up even more- stake his claim on it, and on this man who has _his_ ring on his finger. David stepping over and casually kicking corpses away shouldn’t be this arousing but it is- Eggsy would worry over the implications of that later.

“We didn’t finish what we started earlier,” David rasps once he’s at his side, arms going around Eggsy’s waist and pulling him in tight. “What say you and I christen the dressing table this time round, Mr Unwin-Budd?”

Eggsy beams up at him. “Mr Unwin-Budd, I dare say I’ve never heard a better plan before.”

The next morning, Roxy takes one look at him limping into the shop and almost bursts her spleen laughing.

*

**four.**

David’s possibly one of the bravest- if not the bravest- man Eggsy’s ever met. He’s courageous, always determined to exceed any expectations anyone has of him, ready to push his limits and boundaries. He’s Eggsy’s personal hero, the man he both loves and respects with every fibre of his being in every thought in his mind. Every man has an Achilles’ heel, however and his- for very good reason too- is middle aged moms at PTA meetings.

Eggsy would laugh at him for it if those middle aged moms weren’t also the banes of his entire existence.

“I can hear you grinding your teeth from here,” Vicky says, bored. They’re at the Ella and Charlie’s annual school funfair- a prissy, pretentious occasion due to the splendour of the private school. It’s overtly, uselessly extravagant too, the kind of occasion that doesn’t need all that money to be spent on it and yet the board does it anyway. Back when he and David had first started getting serious with each other, Eggsy had tried to convince Daisy to change schools to this one. She’d immediately thrown a strop about it and now, Eggsy’s inclined to think she had the right idea.

“I don’t care,” Eggsy says unhappily, glancing across the field. David’s at the buffet table talking to a couple, breathtaking in a simple navy button down and black jeans. It’s pretty clear he isn’t the only one to think he looks breathtaking, either- the wife of the couple is looking at David like he’s a part of the buffet too.

“Well, it’s annoying,” Vicky says flatly, sipping at her grape juice. “You do know he would never leave you for anyone.”

“I do,” Eggsy says helplessly. “It’s just- look at her! She’s looking at him like she wants to do nothing more than-” he gestures with his hands, and a kid nearby starts pointing at him and laughing.

“Mummy, mummy, he did something bad!”

“Now look what you’ve done,” Vicky says, as the mother sends them both a dirty glance before ushering her kid away. “Why are you standing here with me anyway?”

“Because Percy didn’t come to keep you company, and I thought you’d be alone,” Eggsy points out, keeping his gaze on the wife. “David’s told me about how you didn’t bother befriending anyone here.”

“A touching sentiment,” Vicky says, her voice decidedly more gentle. Eggsy glances to his side to see Vicky hiding her smile behind her glass, and grins. It’s taken a long time for both of them to reach this level of camaraderie, despite David still being a tad awkward around his ex wife. “And he’s right, I didn’t. Have you seen the women around her? None of them have any minds of their own whatsoever.”

They watch as a giggling housewife nearly runs over to David and the couple, bowling David over in a hug and a quick grope of his arse which David bears stoically with a rather constipated look on his face. Eggsy sets his own grape juice down, his hand itching to reach for the Kingsman lighter.

“No brains at all,” Vicky confirms. “You may want to save your husband from the cougars before he implodes. He’s never dealt well with that.” She taps her glass and gives her phone a little shake- there’s a chat thread open with her own boyfriend, Percy. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

“Alright then,” Eggsy says, before making his way over to the group of- five now, he realises, and all middle aged women except for David. They’ve all gathered behind their ringleader, the wife from the couple before. Eggsy takes his time to inspect her, stopping in his tracks to gauge the competition. She’s honestly dressed in a manner too garish for even Eggsy to appreciate, leopard print tights clashing horribly with a long floral shirt, heels a mile high. She smiles up at David, sickeningly sultry, and places her hand right on David’s chest.

_Right,_ Eggsy thinks. That won’t do at all. He takes brisk steps towards them, sliding himself effectively next to David and sliding his hand around his waist and firmly in the back pocket of his jeans. David startles, glancing at him in shock which he ignores, smiling pleasantly instead at the woman who now looks enraged, teeth gnashing audibly. The other women behind her look uncomfortable, shifting nervously from side to side.

“Who’s this, love?” Eggsy asks, cuddling in closer to David. He takes a moment to raise his right hand and visibly adjust his glasses, making sure to display the wedding ring on his finger. The woman’s face, if possible, sours even further, making her look as though she’s sucked on five lemons at once.

“Mrs Calfrey, in charge of the parents committee,” David says hesitantly. He swallows noisily, before continuing, “She was just asking me about-”

“About the bake sale this Tuesday,” Mrs Calfrey interrupts, her voice at a nasal pitch grating to the ears. She glowers at Eggsy who preens further, and says, “You know, as parents in this prestigious school we all must pitch in and help with the school events. It wouldn’t do to sit around and simply-”

“Oh yes, the bake sale,” Eggsy says loudly over her, making Mrs Calfrey go even paler with rage. He makes sure to accentuate his southern estate accent even more as he continues, tugging David closer to him until there’s not an inch of space left between them, “I actually talked ter Miss Smithers abou’ it, seein’ as I’m sending over a dozen cupcakes for it. We so want ter help you see, but,” here he clears his throat, standing a little taller, “both David an’ I lead very, very busy lives. We’ll be sure ter contribute, but we can’t be there in person.”

Mrs Calfrey looks like she’s about to explode with rage, face rapidly purpling. “Now see here, you ungrateful little-”

“Would you look at the time!” David exclaims, looking slightly panicky. “I’m sorry, but we’ll have to take our leave. Lots of things to do.” He pulls Eggsy away, dislodging the hand from his back pocket.

“You shouldn’t be so terrified of them, you know,” Eggsy tells him, as they continue to walk briskly back to the table where Vicky is at, now talking on the phone. “They’re nothing but noise.”

“Can you blame me? Just look at her- she’s terrifying!” They both watch as at the buffet table, Mrs Calfrey fumes, sending them a scorching glare before turning on her feet, stomping away as her minions scurry after her. The effect would be a little more formidable if it hadn’t been for the leopard print pants, stretched so hideously they could only have been three sizes too small.

“I just hate it when they put their hands on you,” Eggsy says, folding his arms and frowning. “Why are you so bloody attractive?”

David grins, inclining his head slightly to lay a kiss on his temple. “Thank you for coming to my help,” he says. “My very own knight in shining armour.”

“Always,” Eggsy says, grinning and winding his arms around David’s waist, leaning his head up to kiss David. They stand like that in their own little bubble, lips locked in a kiss that stays mellow and sweet, until Vicky groans from behind them.

“God, you two are sickening,” she says. “What’s this I hear about Eggsy agreeing to bake a dozen cup cakes for that useless bake sale happening next week?”

* **five.**

The sun has already set when Eggsy wakes up that evening, darkened hues dimming the sky to a mellow, navy blue. His eyes feel weighted down by lids as he hefts himself up, wincing at how that one little action robs him of all the breath he has in his lungs. Panting a little, he shifts the blanket back before slowly moving his feet to the floor, one at a time. An arduous task, but he finally succeeds, hunched forward and trying to slow his racing heart, forehead beaded with sweat.

There’s a reason for his lethargy and stamina being akin to that of a newborn baby- just three days ago, Eggsy had been of all things poisoned by a goddamn arrow shot by mercenaries in Tehran. He had just pulled the arrow out, not really noticing the green tip of it until he’d pulled himself onto the helicopter and then promptly vomited before keeling into a coma, the last thing he’d heard being Roxy’s frantic shouts for medical. He’d woken up three weeks later to an exhausted David sleeping with his head pillowed on his arms, curled up in the chair beside his bed with his hair a mess and his clothes wrinkled and unwashed. The whole ordeal had taken its toll on David, who’d absolutely refused to stop and take care of himself until Eggsy had forced him to, threatening that he would go run five laps around HQ if David didn’t listen to him.

Right now, David should be at home, fixing up dinner but there’s no sounds at all- the house is awfully silent. Eggsy’s about to call for him when he realises he actually really needs to take a trip to the bog first. Bracing his hands on the bed, Eggsy hefts himself up until he’s standing, breathing heavily again. He concentrates on putting one foot in front of the other, the movement slow until he makes it to the bog.

When he’s done with his business he washes his hands in the sink, his eyes catching his reflection in the mirror. He looks like crap- pale, whitewashed skin, red rimmed eyes and lips cracked from disuse. He’d requested for medical to discharge him early, knowing full well he can take care of himself just fine but standing in front of the mirror, looking at his reflection resembling the depths of despair he wonders if it had been a good decision.

There’s gonna be no use debating it in his head now, though- already he can feel his energy sapping away, slipping through his fingers like quicksand. Bracing his hands on the wall, he makes his way out of the room and down the hallway to the kitchen. David and he have situated themselves in the guest bedroom on the first storey landing to make it easier on Eggsy to move to places- not that it makes much of a difference, considering that walking any distance is enough to make Eggsy feel like he’s just run ten marathons in a row.

Officer Oatmeal is asleep in front of the kitchen, head pillowed on her front paws and empty food bowl in front of her. Grunting a little, Eggsy bends down and picks up the food bowl, careful to not rip open his stitches. The house is dark and a little chilly and he shudders, gripping the bowl with his left hand and rubbing his elbow with his right- is the thermostat broken?

His mind is so focused on the chill and the ache in his own muscles and lungs from moving so much that he doesn’t realise that someone’s behind him until David wraps one arm around his waist, using the other one to take the bowl from his left hand. “Jesus, you scared me,” Eggsy breathes, covering the hand on his waist. “What if I didn’t realise who you were and hit you?”

“Like you have the energy to do that right now, I can see your legs shaking,” David snorts in his ear, peppering a kiss to his cheek. “What are you doing up? You shouldn’t be out of bed.”

Eggsy squirms until David lets him go, and then turns around. David’s eyes are serious, the blue so searing it makes it hard for Eggsy to look directly into them. He keeps the gaze, though- staring into his eyes is about as foreboding yet strangely irresistible as staring directly at the sun. “I can’t stay in bed forever,” he says, frowning. “You ain’t gonna make me a prisoner in my own house, are you?”

“No, but you’re about to collapse,” David points out dryly, tapping his arms which are lightly trembling. Eggsy curses, folding his arms and hiding his hands under his armpits. “Come on, I’ll help you to the couch.”

The couch is strewn with clothes and pillows, a mess that looks inviting and cosy. David pushes the pillows and blankets aside first before guiding Eggsy to it with one hand around his waist and another on his shoulder. Eggsy tries his best not to completely slump into the soft texture of the couch, his heart rate finally slowing down and resting but he’s not quite sure he succeeds based on the low quirk to David’s lips.

“I’ll get dinner ready,” David says. Eggsy lifts his chin up as David bends at the waist, expecting a kiss on his lips. David stops halfway, hesitant before he presses his lips to Eggsy’s forehead, moving away before that can even last half a second. The worst part about being out of a coma, Eggsy decides mournfully, staring at David’s retreating, admittedly finely shaped arse, is being treated like glass.

He sighs, taking a blanket and wrapping himself up in it- it is a rather chilly night, for some reason- before fiddling with the remote, wondering if it is worth it to see what’s going on. There’s a rustling noise beside the couch before Lavender jumps up, two front paws stretching before she climbs into Eggsy’s lap, situating herself firmly in the circle of his legs.

“Atta girl,” he says, deciding to Hell with it and turning on the TV anyway. As expected, there’s nothing really interesting- just reruns of boring sitcoms and Eggsy turns it off again, picking his phone up from the table and fiddling with it. He’s through his fifth game of temple run when he realises David’s gone quiet again, zero sounds emitting from the kitchen.

His heart beat picking up again, he taps Lavender’s side. “Up, Lav,” he says. “I need to check on your Da.” Lavender sends him a dirty look with piercing green eyes before bounding off his lap, curling on the couch beside him instead. He braces both hands on the couch before standing up for the second time in less than an hour- something definitely not recommended by medical- swaying a little before he gets his bearings and makes his slow way to the kitchen.

It must have just been five minutes to get there but it honestly feels like an age instead, the route never ending. Eggsy finally makes it to the kitchen and looks into the entrance to see David standing in front of the tabletop, hands gripping the marble as he stares unseeingly down at the two plates of spaghetti bolognaise in front of him. Eggsy can’t decipher the look on his face and it sends a stone into his gut- it kills him every single time to not know what David is thinking under those eyes of his.

“You alright, love?” Eggsy asks, and David jumps, ironically like how Eggsy had jumped earlier.

“Didn’t see you- what are you doing up? You should be on the couch, getting your rest-”

“And you should be on the couch with me Yet here you are, brooding down at our dinner.” Eggsy inches slowly towards him, gratified when David closes up the remaining distance to wrap his arms around him, pulling him close. “What, you added too much salt by accident? I don’t mind- I think anything you make is fit for the queen, you know that.”

“I do,” David says, and he frowns. “No, I was just- thinking.”

“About what?” Eggsy asks, laying a hand on David’s elbow. Like this, they’re almost level- David’s eyes are dark, unreadable and murky. He doesn’t say anything, staring back at Eggsy silently, his gaze distant and the unease in Eggsy’s stomach grows.

“No secrets, remember,” Eggsy prompts softly, taking a step closer and placing a hand on David’s cheek, forcing him to incline his head a little so that his eyes are level with Eggsy’s. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

He’s silent, and then he blurts out, “It’s- so different, to see you like this. Pale, and-” he cups Eggsy’s elbow, which has started to minutely trembling again. “It’s a reminder, of the three weeks I had to watch you waste away in that hospital bed, wondering if you’d ever wake up or if I would lose you like I lost Julia.” There’s a suspicious sheen to his eyes and he blinks it away rapidly, the blue in them standing out brighter than usual.

Eggsy swallows down the lump in his throat, trying to find his own voice again. “You would never,” he insists. “I’ll always come back-”

David scoffs. “Promises like that in our line of work mean nothing,” he says, brushing the fringe out of Eggsy’s eyes with the lightest, gentlest touch. “Anything could happen tomorrow.”

“Then I’ll try my hardest to come back, and you will too,” Eggsy says firmly. David looks away, blinking rapidly again and Eggsy pushes the hand on his cheek, forcing himself to look back at him. “Hey, David- we’ve survived so much, love. Who’s to say we won’t grow old together?”

“I don’t know why this is affecting me so much,” David croaks, gripping the hand that is resting on his cheek. “I just- the thought of you, and you now- look at you, you can barely stand!”

“But I’m still standing,” Eggsy retorts. “I came back, David- maybe a little worn, but I’m alive.” He watches as David closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, his jaw working. The skin of his cheek is rough beneath his palm with stubble- he hasn’t shaved today, when he usually does. How long, Eggsy thinks with not a little amount of self loathing, had David lived with this fear in his heart? How had he, David’s own fucking husband, not noticed? “Alright, darling- give me your hand.”

“What?” David asks, dumbfounded, his eyes flying open.

“I said, give me your hand you idiot- here.” He takes David’s left hand- the one still not gripping his wrist- and presses it to his own chest. “Feel my heart beating? That’s what matters- nothing else.”

David spreads his fingers out a bit, pressing it firmly down. The heat of his fingers sleeps into Eggsy’s own heart, somehow giving him strength. “Nothing else,” David echoes, the ghost of a smile on his lips, and Eggsy grins. Mission- and the greatest mission of them all- accomplished.

He opens his mouth- to say something, maybe tell David how much he fucking loves him- but there’s a rush of weakness in his legs and he sways precariously, the words leaving his head in an instant. Almost at once, David steadies him, hands firm on his forearms. “You need to sit down,” he says worriedly, his lips downturned in a frown. “Come on, I’ll carry you to the couch.”

“What- no, David-” David actually bends down, and he slaps David’s forearm with a loud thwack. “ _David._ Just help me to the couch.”

David straightens up, sheepish, and helps Eggsy like he did before with an arm around his shoulders and another around his waist. They awkwardly hobble across the living room back on the couch, JB shuffling out of the way as David lowers Eggsy down gently. He flops down with a huff, the breath leaving him in one go and raises his chin, looking David in the eye. “Going to kiss me on the lips this time?”

David grins, not even looking the slighest bit ashamed. “Of course,” he says softly, taking a hold of Eggsy’s chin before tilting it back. The kiss that ensues is soft and slow, a meeting of minds and hearts rather than the heated craze that usually overtakes them during any other occasion. David is gentle, hand cupping Eggsy’s jaw before he pulls away to set the plates of food on the table.

As David settles himself next to him, Eggsy cuddles up by his side, hand intertwined with his in a tight interlocking of fists and fingers. They ain’t perfect by any means, he thinks as he watches David shoo Lavender away from the food on the table, but they’ve done pretty alright for themselves. The ring bands on their fingers shine in the light of the room, a reminder.  


**Author's Note:**

> this has been rotting in my drafts for so long I decided to hell with it and post it. this isn't one of my stronger works so please go easy on me adknjdfklj
> 
> if you liked it, leave a comment or kudos! as always you can yell at me on tumblr @honkydancer


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